I am so discouraged as I type this post. After struggling the last three weeks, I have decided to take a break from potty training Kyleigh. And I can't tell you how much this feels like failure.
Kyleigh was doing such a great job before we left on vacation. I knew it was risky to start training her before vacation, but I went ahead anyway because she was so interested. The three long days of potty training over the Fourth of July turned out to be a success and Kyleigh seemed to catch on rather quickly the rest of the month.
Fast forward to the first week of August when we were on vacation. I continued to put her in underwear, unless we were going to be out of the house for an extended time period. Of course she had accidents, but I expected that. What I didn't expect was the MAJOR regression that followed once we returned home. Initially, I thought it would just take a week or so to get back into our routine. However, we've been home for almost 3 weeks and there is no sign that she remembers "the urge."
Sure, if I put her on the potty, if she needs to go, she'll go. However, if I've lost track of time or if we're out and about and she needs to go, there is no warning. She just pees wherever she is (yes, first time ever we had an accident while at the store). She won't alert me until after she's peed. I've been observing her over several different scenarios and there is no indication she remembers the urge. She'll only pee if I happen to get her on the toilet in time.
I'm trying to now figure out why I didn't stop her training a week ago when she peed while sitting in the cart at Target. I was at my wits end already, but I plunged forward. Did I continue because I thought in another week she would remember? Or did I continue because I already put in so much hard work that she was going to be trained whether she was ready or not? Or did I continue because I couldn't bear that thought of buying her diapers again? Or did I continue because I felt that in some way I failed as a mother (whoever is reading this - I am saying I felt this way, not that it is true. There is a difference!!)
If I'm truly honest with myself, it's the last reason. I thought she was ready by her interest, so I went ahead with the training weekend. It turns out that her body isn't really ready (if it was, she would remember the urge, how can anyone forget that?), and how can I as a mother not know that? I kept telling myself that I failed in this area of parenting. Now I know this isn't true and for the health of my family and my own sanity's sake, I am not believing this lie any longer that I've failed. She's only 2y 3 months (on Tuesday). potty training can wait a few more months.
I'm not going to lie and say it's okay. Or that I feel a burden has been lifted off my shoulders now that I'm not training her anymore. No, that's not at all how I feel. I still feel discouraged. Were the last two months for naught? I'm trying to learn from this situation how I can be a better mother in the future, despite that I don't like how this situation is ending.
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