This has been an emotional up and down, roller coaster type of month for me. I don't even know where to begin.
The month started off on an emotional high of Ryan's new job and all that it brings. We were looking for a car, were excited about the opportunities the new position would bring, etc. However, that excitement also brought a low for me personally in how this new position would affect me and the kids. I began to think of the longer days for me and the shorter amount of time Ryan would see the kids. I also pondered how the new job would affect my relationship with Ryan. Mostly in the sense that since he'll be gone more, we'll both be exhausted from long days by the time he gets home, would we have enough energy to put into our relationship. Since having the kids, we have both admitted that our communication is not what it used to be. Given this, I am especially sensitive to making sure Ryan and I are doing okay.
The next big thing was the start of sleep training for Kyleigh. I won't say much here because I've already written a post about it. Bottom line: it's been terrible! She will only take short (30-45 minutes) naps while she's in motion. So basically, she sleeps while I'm walking or driving. That doesn't really give me the opportunity to get anything done around the house. I am thankful she sleeps through the night, so I know I shouldn't be complaining at all.
Then, we had family visit. Again, I won't say much because I've already posted about it. It was wonderful to have both moms here and spend some quality time with each. This, of course, was part of my emotional high for the month.
The end of the month was definitely my low point. I have been putting so much pressure on myself to be the perfect stay-at-home mom. I get so down on myself if the house is dirty or I haven't found 5 new recipes to try out for the next week. Ryan has been more than understanding and has encouraged me on multiple occasions that his expectations are nowhere near where I've put them. Although we had a good conversation about this, I still struggle to believe that I'm doing a good job.
I feel extremely blessed to be taking a parenting course called Entrusted with a Child's Heart. I just started the class last Friday and it will go through May 2013. God's timing of this class could not have been better. Even in the first lesson, I was reminded that God chose ME (and Ryan) to be the parents of Reagan and Kyleigh. I was uniquely chosen for them and I am so blessed!
As I reflect on this past month, while it was a tough one, I can see God's faithfulness. I had a really hard morning (broke down crying) and I had two friends come along and encourage me. They reminded me that they are praying for me and shared some wonderful verses. One of those verses is Matthew 11:29, "“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” I also saw God's faithfulness through Ryan. We were able to spend extra time together before his new job started and we were able to talk through a lot and get on the same page. I am so thankful for my husband and what an encouragement he is to me. With Kyleigh's sleeping, I know there will be rough days ahead, but I am thankful to be going through this time with my children. I wouldn't have it any other way!
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